Trooper Chat #10: The Apette Chronicles
by Lady Electra
Summary: The thrid in the Apette Chronicles/ Holiday Quartet. This time it's Christmas, read to see how the TC crew and their guest celebrate =)


Fade in.  
  
(Dan is in the break room standing in front of the Mr. Coffee)  
  
Dan: C'mon, percolate you stupid thing. PERCOLATE!!!  
  
(Kim walks in just and looks at him strangely)  
  
Kim: What's wrong with you?  
  
Dan: I went shopping today and was nearly run over by people trying to get Pokemon stuff, was sprayed with so much perfume I think I'm breaking out, lost my car for an hour, and now the stupid Mr. Coffee won't work (slams hand down onto countertop)! OWWW!  
  
Kim: You went shopping on 'Black Friday'? Are you nuts? And as for the Mr. Coffee, it does work better if you plug it in (plugs the cord into the wall socket).  
  
Dan (watching coffee dripping into pot): Oh thank you Kimmy, thank you!  
  
(He grabs the coffeepot once it's done, pours in the instant creamer and sugar and then downs the coffee, as he's drinking the liquid energy Elizabeth, Laurie, and Bob walk into the room)  
  
Bob: Whoa Kim lay off the cheep perfume would ya? My eyes are watering here.  
  
Kim (a tad ticked off): For your information *Bob* I'm not wearing any perfume! That fragrant bouquet you are smelling is Dan over here. He went to the mall and had a close encounter of the Sales Lady kind.  
  
Elizabeth: He went shopping today? Dude, you're brave.  
  
Laurie: Or completely insane.  
  
(Just then Jason comes bouncing into the room throwing glitter around from a little bag giving everyone a good dusting of the stuff)  
  
Jason: All rejoice, for I Jason the Intel Fairy have come! Be happy now that I've sprinkled you all with my happy fairy dust.  
  
Laurie: AHHH I thought I got rid of all of that crap on Tuesday (takes out katana and chases him out of the room)  
  
Dan (slams down coffeepot): WHOO HOO! Let's go do the show (runs out of the room a bit too fast).  
  
Bob: Great! Now we have to deal with Dan on a caffeine high!  
  
(Everyone in the room groans and walks out)  
  
Fade out  
  
(As the lights come up we see Elizabeth watching Dan who's spinning around in his chair)  
  
Elizabeth: Are you sure it was a good idea that we got him that chair? (sees that the camera's on her) Hello, and welcome once again to another interesting episode of Trooper Chat. I'm your co-host Elizabeth Clark.  
  
Dan (still spinning): And I'm your host Dan Wilson, we've got one heck of an ep. planned for tonight don't we...  
  
(Just then Max jumps onto the stage and holds up a package of photos)  
  
Max: HAHA! You tried to blackmail my dad by taking pictures oh him when he was in the fairy costume, well now it's pay back time! Here in my hand I hold pictures of your host when he was known as Dan the Electrified Midget!  
  
Rachel (off stage): Max did you drink any of the Eggnog?  
  
Max: No! What? You guys don't care that I could blackmail your host?  
  
Kim (off stage): Not really.  
  
Max: So you're telling me that I went through all this for nothing?  
  
Kelly (off stage): Yeah, that about sums it up.  
  
Max: AHHHHHHHHHHH (walks off stage in a huff)!  
  
Bob (off stage): Boy looks like someone's not getting into the Holiday spirit.  
  
Elizabeth: Hey that's right, this is our Holiday episode isn't it?  
  
(She snaps her fingers the entire set is decorated from stem to stern with lights, fake snow, tinsel, and mistletoe)  
  
Dan (stops spinning): Cool. Well let's bring out our first guest. Everyone please welcome the one, the only, Rico's Chick.  
  
(Rico's Chick comes walking out onto the stage, she waves and smiles at the camera before sitting down next to Elizabeth. Sparky jumps down from her shoulder and onto Dan's Desk. Attonbitus pops up from the desk drawer that it always occupies, the start chirping).  
  
RC: Isn't that cute? Sparky's found a friend.  
  
(The two electric rodents jump off the desk and run off)  
  
Elizabeth: I thought Attonbitus was the only one on Earth? But that doesn't matter, what does is that we've got a show to do.  
  
Dan: Yeah, so let's get going with the questions here. Okay, so RC, what first got you into Roughnecks: Starship Trooper Chronicles?  
  
RC: I'll give you a hint, it's in my name.  
  
Elizabeth: I know that, but since Dan's on his sugar high you've just come out and say it for him to get it.  
  
RC: Rico, saw that guy and got hooked.  
  
Elizabeth: Really? Well this next question is gonna be really stupid then.  
  
RC: What is it?  
  
Dan: Who's your favorite Roughneck, or Fleet officer  
  
RC: *giggles* Yeah, I guess it is, but I'll say it so Dan can know, it's Rico.  
  
Dan: So what group do you come from?  
  
RC: I'm proud to be an original Apette.  
  
Dan (shoots up from his chair): That's IT! I can't take it anymore! Don't you people have anything better to do then come on this show?!  
  
RC: I'll plead the 5th.  
  
Dan (sits back down): Okay, fine, be that way.  
  
RC: Okay.  
  
(Just then Jason comes bouncing out of left stage sprinkling his 'happy fairy dust'. He stops just in front of Dan's desk and pulls out 3 different kinds of clear cellophane wrapping paper)  
  
Jason: Let's make this as quick as possible, I've got to get back to spreading more happy fairy dust. I've got one with dolphins, one with stars, and one with daisies.  
  
RC: *thinking* I'll take the one with the dolphins Fairy Boy.  
  
Jason: Okay, that can be done (strikes a corny pose). Now it's on to spread more holiday cheer, for my job is never done. I'm Jason The Intel Fairy (bounces off the stage).  
  
Dan: Laurie! Aren't you supposed to be taking care of all that fairy dust!  
  
Laurie (off stage): I would, but I can only do one thing at a time!  
  
Elizabeth: That's right, so why don't we cut to the skit.  
  
RC: Skit? What skit?  
  
Fade out  
Fade in  
  
(Kelly and Carl are all sitting at table)  
  
Carl: I don't think I should really be here. Last time the Roughnecks nearly killed me after the show was over.  
  
Kelly: Oh you exaggerate too much. Look, you took the Date-a-match and she scored the highest with 95% with a 5% margin for error, you can at least give her a chance.   
  
Carl: Okay, let me see her.  
  
Kelly: Unseen, you come out now.  
  
Carl: Heck no! I'm out of here!  
  
(Just as he gets up out of his chair Unseen runs out of right stage and knocks him off the stage)  
  
Kelly: Next!  
  
Rachel: Are you tired of spending your Saturday nights alone? Well come done to the Trooper Chat Date-a-match service and we'll take care of that. These tests are state of the art...  
  
Bob (off stage): Nurse Logan, where's the burn cream!?! This dang computer is shooting sparks again!  
  
Nurse Logan (off stage): It should be right there right next to the cold compress's and bandages.  
  
Rachel (smiling): We'll find you a match in no time.  
  
(RC walks out and sits in the chair that moments before Carl was occupying and sits down. She looks hyped up)  
  
Kelly: Okay RC, let me just find this thing and I'll tell you who you best matched up with (shifts through papers and pulls one out). Okay, here it is. Your top score was a 92%  
  
RC: With who, with who?  
  
Kelly: None other then Johnny Rico.  
  
RC: YEAH!!  
  
(Nurse Logan comes out pulling Rico who from the neck down is bound in dolphin cellophane; his mouth is gagged by a bow)  
  
Nurse Logan: I can't stand this! RC, I challenge you to a Chatemon duel over Rico, the winner gets to keep him.  
  
Dan (off stage): NO!!!! Not another pokemon spin-off, I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!  
  
Rachel/Kelly: This isn't in the script!  
  
Nurse Logan: I'm ad-libbing, deal with it!   
  
RC: Okay then, Psycho Chick I chose you!  
  
Laurie (walking onto stage): How'd I get caught up in this?  
  
Nurse Logan: Jason The Intel Fairy, I chose you!  
  
Jason (jumps onto stage): Just like old times.  
  
Nurse Logan: Jason, use your Fairy Dust to disorientate Psycho Chick!  
  
RC: Psycho Chick, jump to avoid the dust, then knock that fairy clear into next Tuesday.  
  
(As Jason throws his fairy dust Laurie jumps into the air and knocks them both into the wall)  
  
Laurie/Jason: Ouch!  
  
RC: Yea!!! I won (hugs Rico who looks a bit distressed.)  
  
Nurse Logan: You stupid Fairy!  
  
Kelly: Oh look at the time, we've got to get back to the show.  
  
Fade out.  
Fade in.  
  
(As the lights come up we see everyone is where they should be, but Dan looks a bit drained)  
  
Dan (yawns): Welcome back to Trooper Chat I'm you host Dan Wilson.  
  
Elizabeth: And I'm your co-host Elizabeth Clark (looks at Dan). You crashed from that caffeine high didn't you?  
  
Dan: What was your first clue? Well, if your just joining us tonight's guest is one of the original Apettes, Rico's Chick.  
  
Elizabeth: Why don't we start the questions again. So RC, what do you plan on doing to Rico now that you've captured him?  
  
RC (looks at Rico who's just accepted his fate and is sitting quietly next to her): *nervous giggle* I can't say.  
  
Elizabeth: Oh, it's like that, I won't pry. We never did ask you what your weapon of choice was.  
  
RC (whips out mallet): My trusty mallet.  
  
Elizabeth: That's nice, so Dan don't you have anything to say?  
  
Dan: *snore*  
  
Elizabeth: Well I guess that means this show's over, well happy holidays from all of us here at Trooper Chat.  
  
Fade out.  
  



End file.
